I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
