sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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