is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
