omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
