You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize