he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
