marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
