I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
