Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
