Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
