My room smells like vodka and shame
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
