I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
