Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
