just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think i got beer on your cat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
