Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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