I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i've created a new STD.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
