If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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