you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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