we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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