I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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