got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
