she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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