I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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