I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
