my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
