brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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