he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
