She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
