Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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