Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
