I faked an abortion last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
