Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
