who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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