You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me I should be a condom model.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
