So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
