I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
