Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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