i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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