there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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