I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
