Your face is a jimmy john
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
