I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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