wat bout pragnant strippers??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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