i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize