You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
