I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
