where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
