My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
