he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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