before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
