you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
