Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
