i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
