You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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