went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
