Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
