Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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