So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
