just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
