Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
