you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
