woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She just used a chaser for red wine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
