Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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