At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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