and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
