break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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