Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
