i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
