We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
