I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
