She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
