you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
