i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
