New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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