i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we should paint friendship bongs
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