Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
