yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i barfeds in our rink
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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