Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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