also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
