No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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